Welp....This train D-Railed

Yesterday night, I was hesitating between watching Claire Denis's High Life (2018) or Steven Knight's Serenity (2019), instead I stumbled into Amazon Prime Video's dark spot and found this movie, D-Railed (2018) directed by Dale Fabrigar who directed a total of five other very poorly rated films on Letterboxd.

As terrible as this movie was, I cannot say that I didn't enjoy myself watching it. You see, like I was saying to my friend last night a few moments after the film ended, every bad movies have something that good movies don't. First of all, well.... It's logic, once you annihilate every hint of intelligence and coherence, you are left with a wonderful mess. In this movie per example, our characters know that a man eating monster is waiting for them beneath the surface of the river they crashed into. Well, more than half of them managed to die in about 2 minutes because their only ''good'' plan was to panic and jump in the water ..... It's like if in Jaws (1975) our main characters decided that their best way to kill the shark was to jump in the water and wait for it to come attack them.

Second of all, a bad movie usually will give you unintentional comedy. I mean, take movies like Troll 2 (1990) and The Room (2003) they are known to be cult classics for the wrong reasons. They bring us joy because of how bad they are, the dialogues, the acting, the visuals, the plot. For exemple, one of my favorite movie is Frank Perry's Mommie Dearest (1981) and don't get me wrong, this film is a train wreck of picturing mental illness and child abuse while also talking about the star that was Joan Crawford, but you cannot hold back your laughs when Faye Dunaway delivers her famous ''Barbra please!'' (I had to pause myself just for the sake of watching that scene again on Youtube). Well, D-Railed isn't so different from those movies, sure maybe it's doesn't exhume as much campy comedy, but I'm sorry, I will never not laugh when a character is being eaten whole by a man fish (dreary costume by the way) who looks like he was rejected for the part of the creature from The Shape of Water (2017). Also, 

Finally, I believe this movie had three separate stories to tell us. The first one being on a murder mystery train on Halloween where a robbery is being pulled. First of all, why rob people now? Also, how come there is only one black character, he's not even an important character, he's a waiter that probably has a total of three lines and disappear for the after the first 20 minutes. Tonya Kay plays the robber accomplice, who also disappears once the train derailed off into the river, I remember being very confused over what happened to her. Then, the train flies off the rails and straight into the water and the story changes completely. We are missing a total of three characters (to this day in real life, where are they?!) and the rest of the crew start acting like over the top morons dying pretty much all at once, for really stupid reasons, one of them lost her arm and is being dragged into the water while her friend is screaming and crying while holding her decapited member, I can't lie....I laughed.....ALOT! Then for the third act, they are back on land, only four characters are left, they find a house, they all start Scooby-Dooing around the abandoned lake house. Somehow, the creature found a way to get inside. eating three people. Finally! our last character, Abigail, played by Shae Smolik, gets out of the house, it's daylight and starts running back to civilization when in one of the shots you can see a building behind her while she is panic running in the forest. Anyway, she finds a way back to the train station and is screaming for help. PLOT TWIST! she was ghost, all those characters were ghosts from a past train accident. Apparently, the sea creature piranha man was actually death bringing them back to hell. At the end of the movie, I was like ''wasn't this some kind of murder mystery?'' this movie takes a massive turn for the worst.

What wouldn't you do during quarantine, right?

1/2 ⭐️